I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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