I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
