If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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