I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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