Whod you bang
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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