I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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