marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
