is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
