maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
