in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
