90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
