I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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