rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
