I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This baby is an asshole
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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