Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
