I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
