We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
