There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
