ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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