Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
