he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
