I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
