Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
