Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think my moral compass just broke
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
