I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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