my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
