I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
