This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
