Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
