So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
