he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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