dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
