Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
