Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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