You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
