why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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