I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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