i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
