So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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