You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
