Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
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