Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
