so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
