neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
how does that bad decision feel?
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