So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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