So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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