she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
