1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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