bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
