Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
