i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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