so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
