I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
