if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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