Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
