You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
