Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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