in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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