About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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