You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
