Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
