the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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