There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
