How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
