Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
