he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
