dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize