Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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