someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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