Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
